His Blind Butterfly

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“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.” Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭50‬ ‭NIV

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing. His neighbors and those who had formerly seen him begging asked, “Isn’t this the same man who used to sit and beg?” Some claimed that he was. Others said, “No, he only looks like him.” But he himself insisted, “I am the man.” “How then were your eyes opened?” they asked. He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.” “Where is this man?” they asked him. “I don’t know,” he said. John‬ ‭9‬:‭3‬-‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This week has brought many interesting moments. I think about how many times I have heard the phrase, “Your case is so complicated”, from the doctors.

More recently, my daughter gets really upset and angry when she hears them say, “well, your mom is always sick.” We have seen that this is usually code for “we don’t want to treat her right now” —either because they don’t want to deal with the problem or because they think I will just end up coming back to the emergency room anyways.

It seems that at one time or another, everyone in the medical field has written us off. So, it was a nice surprise this week when I went to draw my labs and I suddenly ran into a girl who used to regularly draw my blood. Coincidentally, it was at a facility I don’t usually go to. She had been pregnant the last time I saw her, it had been a while, so I figured she had been on bed rest. I found out she was no longer at my regular health center because she had been gone for a while—life had happened to her. I was pleasantly surprised to see her, and as I hugged her goodbye, I braced myself for the two doctor’s visits to come.

I had already seen that morning that sometimes we plan and God laughs. I only ended up drawing my blood at the facility in the first place because the home health agency made a mistake, so the doctor told me to go in to get my labs drawn instead. I also happened to get my labs drawn at a place I don’t normally go to, since it was closer to the doctor’s office. My daughter second-guessed going to that facility because she thought they had been a bit rude, or shady, at times. What if I had not gone there? I never would have ran into this young lady, who I now call a friend.  

Then, off we went to the first doctor. He was pleased with the progress I had made, and the fact that I was out of the wheelchair made him smile. He also told me it was crazy that the doctor he had taken over for had basically told me there was nothing left to do—that I ought to come off steroids, and that there was nothing left to try. Really, she said I shouldn’t try anything else. Thank God I tried the intervention; the medication he took a risk on. Then, we headed to another appointment. I was greeted with a hug from this doctor, as if we were old friends meeting again. This wasn’t extremely surprising, as Dr. T is always cheerful; she is all smiles.

Earlier this week, I had a fever of 103, and one doctor called us back after a few hours had passed. Her colleagues have been shady, and we have had our doubts about her because of problems within the system itself. Last year, there was a month in which we felt she didn’t care and couldn’t understand the context of my medical situation. I prayed and waited it out. I see how God turns things around. Recently, she has been one of the most dependable doctors I have.

I see God’s plans are not my plans—and that He certainly does as He pleases. I also see that courage isn’t always something that is seen or noticed. Being brave is standing firm and remaining beside someone, even when no one else does. I see my girls and I think of bravery. I also see how we are each at a different part of the race. I think of Peter and John when they ran to the tomb. Although John got there first, he didn’t enter the tomb first. Peter entered first. He was the first to see that God was no longer there. They were both running but one pushed his way to the finish line first- bold Peter.